Nothing starts as one expects. The start was neither a simple one for me, too.

Introverts, Extroverts and there I come as an Ambivert. Ever wondered! What does it feel like to be the awesome combination of an Introvert as well as an Extrovert?

I do not know how the psychiatrists or psychologists or whoever is the concerned one in declaring the personality and its types say. Like many others, I had my own definition of describing myself, which made me have a different perception of viewing myself. I still view myself in the same manner, however, in the term of the real world, I fall into the group of Ambiverts.

Those days during school, I never bothered what kind of personality group I do belong to. For me, I always considered myself a kid, who has her own definition and traits for describing her personality. I gave a thought to myself,” Maybe, I should have a small observation session on myself to find out where do I actually belong!” Then, I started to feel more like the type of person who loved to have chit-chats, love to have an easy interaction with strangers, take part in any of the public events, competitions, enjoyed leading a whole bunch of different people, loved to have the commanding voice as a School Captain, happy to take part and help wherever I could, organize everything with a smooth negotiation, love to have a good debate, fights, and many more. These all traits slowly made me realize that I am someone who loves freedom, having talks with anyone, anywhere, and enjoy the carefree nature of being an independent individual. I was almost at a crucial point of declaring myself an outside world-loving person which for me was known as an Extrovert.

I was so happy with my finding. I even danced a little saying, “ Yes, I found my tribe. Yohooooo!!” This happiness did not last long.
Suddenly something happened to me, a new wave of emotions emerged inside me. I started loving the darkness, enjoying small talks, started loving a small and chosen group of friends, and I started getting lost into myself. Whenever anyone approached me for conversation, I never bothered to join them until it was some kind of deep conversation where I could contemplate, observe more and would be able to use my philosophical side. I started writing poems which no longer had the old extrovert vibes, it expressed all my new emotions that were emerging inside. For a year, I found difficulty in expressing myself to anyone. All the loud noises, unwanted talks were suffocating me from inside. I started taking alone walks at the street, travelling and exploring the roads that were never taken by me. I was fascinated by the mystery of the universe, especially the darkness which holds all the secrets and deep thoughts. I was enjoying having conversations with myself in the dark. I even forgot for a while what does it feel like to roam freely with a group of friends at the market outside!

Then I observed my new self, where I found, I started enjoying deep conversation, spending too much time alone at the dark, enjoying insomnia. Then, I asked myself, “ Am I an introvert inside?”

I was in the transition of accepting myself as an introvert, loving my uniqueness and thanking myself for saving myself from all the world’s unwanted nuisance. Suddenly my life took another turn, it wasn’t like the ride of a roller coaster, but, it was like a train slowly setting it’s a journey to some distant world. I again found myself enjoying the large group of friends, but, with some restrictions. I let a maximum number of people see my quiet side, and for few, I remained as a person who never knows how to be quiet. I started again to take part in the debates and games, I started making a lot of friends again. But, just by keeping a few ones on the list of close friends. I started noticing my behaviour, and I found out that I still had that childhood extroverted inside of me with new introverted me, too. I started to enjoy having a conversation with a bunch of different people. On the other hand, I still enjoyed listening to what are others opinion. I enjoyed having a large group of friends, but, most of the time, I spent my time in my own sanctuary. Some say I am an idiot who cannot express her emotions, but, I say this is the way I am protecting my soul from external pressure.
I was confused, yet, I was happy with the benefits that I had with myself of having the traits of both my extrovert and introvert sense. I could switch into whichever sides favour the most in the situation in front of me. For me, it was like having a superpower. But on the darker side, this confusion didn’t let me have a clear mind.
I thought, “I must launch a series of research and gotta find.” So, at the end of the day, I found I lie somewhere in the middle of the spectrum.
I was like,“ Oh! I see there is even a term present to describe my traits. That’s cool!”

Then, it lead me to a conclusion. “I am leading a life of an Ambivert inside me.”
I silently thanked myself for staying so strong throughout the transition.
And, now every day for me it is a new day where I get amazed by my different sides and find myself blessed to have the possibilities of traversing new me as in me.

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A teenage girl who makes sure the word crafted by her leave a deep impact on every soul.