How actually not to fit in if you don’t actually fit in
Embracing the authenticity
Just a few months ago, everything felt like was going on track, No phone calls interrupting my peace, no unnecessary drama clouding my mind. It was just me, my coffee, and my Mac in a quiet little café. Life felt perfect — the kind of quiet perfection you read about in fairy tales. But life wasn’t always like this.
Rewinding my thoughts, I remember the chaos — the kind that doesn’t make noise but leaves a deafening silence inside. My mind felt like a tangled web of confusion. There were no clear feelings, yet no numbness either, just an endless gray haze. I wasn’t really living; I was drifting, floating aimlessly in a sea of expectations and broken dreams.
I thought I was “going with the flow,” but in reality, I was being carried away by an undercurrent I couldn’t control. Each day felt heavier than the last, emotions pressing down on me like invisible weights. On the outside, everything seemed perfect. I was going out often, meeting new people, playing the role of the extrovert I never knew existed within me. My life appeared vibrant and enviable — a picture-perfect version that others would glance at and think, I wish I had that.
But beneath that polished surface, I felt everything too deeply. Every casual comment pierced like a needle; every glance carried a weight I couldn’t shake. Each fleeting thought spiraled into a storm I couldn’t quiet. I smiled, I laughed, I wore the mask so well that no one saw the cracks underneath. Every moment of silence became a battlefield. Whenever I craved a moment alone, my mind would race — What are they thinking about me now? Did they notice something? Are they judging me? The fear of being seen too clearly, of having my carefully constructed façade crumble, loomed over me.
I was the “perfect girl” on the outside, but when the lights dimmed and the noise faded, I would cry without knowing why. Tears fell like silent confessions of a heart overwhelmed and misunderstood. It was loneliness disguised as belonging, emptiness masked by smiles.
The world around me felt foreign, like I was stumbling through someone else’s story — walking in shoes that didn’t fit, speaking lines that weren’t mine. I was surrounded by people, yet felt profoundly alone. I performed the part expected of me, but inside, a quiet voice whispered, You don’t belong here. That chaos wasn’t just in my head; it was a reflection of a soul searching desperately for a place to call home. A place where I could be me — raw, imperfect, and real.
It was like watching a movie in which I played no part — a silent observer, longing for someone to notice that behind the curtain of perfection, there was just a girl trying to find her way home.
To start your new year just right VISION Board 2025: Link
The Turning Point
I had to hit rock bottom before I found the surface. Well a favorite paragraph from a recent read that perfectly encapsulates this moment in my life:
“ When we are sinking in the water, it can be a relief to feel the ground beneath the feet, the rock bottom, because we know. we can kick against it to rise again! But if you cannot feel the ground in life, the fear can be overwhelming. So maybe it’s good to find your rock bottom.” — I want to die but I want to eat tteokbokki.
Before that, I was just sinking — floating in an abyss of self-doubt and fear, unable to find my footing. I was so afraid of failing, of being seen as less than perfect, that I avoided looking too closely at the cracks forming beneath me.
I thought if someone just doesn’t like me or prefer me, I had to feel sad about it, because I would be all on my own. Nobody to actually care or fond upon. I thought it meant I wasn’t good enough, and that realization left me terrified of being alone. I clung to the idea that I needed validation from others to feel whole, to matter, to exist. The thought of being on my own felt unbearable. I convinced myself that without someone to care for me or to look fondly upon me, I would disappear — fade into the background like a shadow. So, I bent over backward, contorted myself into versions of me I thought others wanted, just to keep that approval, that attention.
But it didn’t work. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I gave, the hollowness inside grew. The constant need to be liked, to be enough for everyone else, drained me. I reached a point where I didn’t recognize myself anymore. Who was I trying so hard to please? What was I even fighting for?
Rock bottom doesn’t lie. It forces you to confront everything you’ve been running from. Then it hit me: I was so focused on being everything for everyone that I had become nothing to myself. I had ignored my own needs, silenced my own voice, and buried my own dreams to chase after fleeting connections that didn’t truly see me.
One night, alone in my room, it all unraveled. The isolation, the emptiness, the feeling of being a square peg forced into a round hole — it all hit me like a wave. I realized something crucial: I wasn’t broken because I didn’t fit in; I was unique because I refused to mold myself to fit someone else’s version of normal. It was in the stillness of that realization that I decided enough was enough. I couldn’t keep living like this — seeking love, worth, and validation from the outside world. If I wanted peace, I had to start with myself.
And in doing so, it offers a strange kind of relief — a reminder that you can rise again. And that’s exactly what I did. I kicked against the bottom with everything I had. It wasn’t graceful or easy, but it was mine.
That’s when everything began to change.
Taking the Main Stage Alone
As people say, keep it raw, keep it real, when the time is right, you thrive and vibe
Well to be honest, I won’t claim that I am fully healed or I am some kind of superwoman marching forwarding just getting up one day, but that day, I did promise myself to be a powerful woman who will march forward taking a step at a time, every day.
And so, I made a decision. I wouldn’t just not fit in — I would own it. I decided to stop fighting to blend in and start building a life that felt true to me, so that I can just start doing things that will make me happy from inside, that will help my true beauty shine, rather than some facade taking over me.
Reclaiming My Life, One Step at a Time
When I started this journey, I realized something profound: reclaiming your life isn’t about making monumental changes overnight. It’s about taking small, intentional steps every day and owning those moments. Each step forward, no matter how tiny, carries a world of power. It’s not about being perfect; it’s about being present for yourself.
1. Standing by My Plans:
Consistency became my secret weapon. I didn’t have to move mountains or achieve massive goals overnight. Instead, I showed up for myself daily, sticking to the little promises I made — journaling in the mornings, taking a walk in the evenings, dedicating an hour to learning something new. These weren’t grand gestures, but they were mine, and they built a sense of trust within myself. Slowly, I realized that showing up for me was more than enough, and it felt really good.
2. Practicing Gratitude:
Gratitude became the lens through which I started seeing life. I began jotting down three things I was grateful for each night, no matter how small. A warm cup of coffee. A smile from a stranger. The peace of a quiet evening. These moments of gratitude acted like little beacons, pulling me out of the darkness and helping me see the beauty in the ordinary.
3. Filtering the Tone:
I stopped internalizing negativity. If someone spoke to me with irritation or condescension, I’d filter out their tone. I’d take only what was useful and discard the rest. It’s not about them — it’s about me and my wellbeing. If it doesn’t serve me, I don’t care for it anymore. Girl, it’s my life, my rules, and my decisions. Not theirs.
4. Changing My Perspective:
I started shifting how I viewed challenges. Instead of fretting over setbacks, I turned them into opportunities. For instance, if an exciting event came up and I got an acne breakout the night before, I didn’t spiral. Instead, I thought, Perfect! Now I can wear those cute acne patches I’ve always wanted to try. It’s about reframing situations, not literally but in the way that works for me. By making this a habit, it feels like second nature now — like I’m on autopilot mode for optimism. No sweat, no stress.
5. Being Real and Finding My Tribe:
As I began embracing who I was — quirks and all — I started attracting people who truly understood me. There’s a unique magic in showing up as your authentic self. It creates space for others to do the same. I didn’t have to force connections anymore; my tribe started to find me. And this time, I didn’t feel the need to overshare or seek validation. I kept my most cherished dreams, goals, and moments private, holding them close like treasures.
6. Glowing from Within:
I stopped hiding behind perfection and allowed myself to celebrate my progress, however small. I let myself laugh louder, cry freely, and rest without guilt. And in doing so, I discovered that the glow I had been searching for was never external. It came from within — from being at peace with who I was and from staying true to myself.
7. Making Life Interesting:
There’s something enchanting about keeping what matters most close to your chest. I stopped broadcasting my plans and instead quietly pursued them. By keeping my goals and growth private, I created an air of mystery — not for others, but for myself. Watching my life unfold in this way became an adventure of its own.
What Consistency Truly Looks Like
Consistency isn’t always about grand milestones. Sometimes, it’s as simple as showing up for yourself on days when no one else will. It’s keeping a promise to yourself to finish that book you started, to drink water when you’re tired, or to say “no” to things that don’t serve you. It’s about doing the little things repeatedly, even when it feels mundane, because they lay the foundation for something bigger.
Through all of this, I learned that thriving doesn’t mean never struggling. It means showing up, even on the hard days. It means building a life so rich with authenticity, gratitude, and intention that you can’t help but thrive and vibe when the time is right.
The Quiet Revolution
Slowly, things changed. My “quiet café” wasn’t just a place — it became a symbol. A sanctuary where I wasn’t performing for others but simply existing, authentically.
I learned that being authentic isn’t about isolating yourself from the world; it’s about creating a space where you can thrive, unapologetically. It’s standing on your own stage, with no spotlight needed, just the warm glow of self-acceptance.
As I embraced this quiet revolution within me, life didn’t become perfect — but it became mine. The messy parts, the beautiful parts, and everything in between. I stopped chasing what others thought I should be and started living as who I truly am. It’s liberating to realize that being “enough” isn’t about fitting into someone else’s mold but about breaking free from it.
Now, I’m not afraid to celebrate my quirks, to let life be imperfect, and to trust that my tribe will vibe with the real me. And as I continue this journey, I hold on to one simple truth: peace doesn’t come from the outside. It blooms quietly, from within.
Final Thoughts
If you’re feeling lost, if you don’t fit in — remember this: You don’t have to. The world needs your authenticity more than it needs conformity. Embrace it. Take the main stage of your life. It’s quiet here, but it’s beautifully, powerfully real.
We often think that to belong, we have to mold ourselves into someone else’s version of normal. But the truth is, the more we show up as our truest selves, the more we attract the people and opportunities that are meant for us. So, step into your power, own your uniqueness, and trust that the quiet moments of self-acceptance are where the loudest transformations happen.
The stage is yours. And it’s time to shine — just as you are.
To all my Lucky Charms ☘️,
Whether you are new or the one who’s been keeping up with my reads, welcome and thank you. You guys are my lucky charms ☘️.
Thank you for keeping up with me, thank you for appreciating my work through the claps, highlights, share and comments, I really appreciate it a lot. It really means a lot to me.
As 2025, is approaching, and this year I am starting the new era of me, and I know how challenging it can be to stay focused and motivated throughout the year, which is why I wanted to share my personal vision board with you. It’s not just a board; it’s a tool that keeps me grounded, focused, and ready to take on every single goal I’ve set for myself.
I’m sharing it with you in the hope that it inspires you the same way it inspires me. Let’s make 2025 our most intentional year yet! Take this board, adapt it to your dreams, and let it keep you motivated every single day.
You’ve got this, and I’m rooting for you!
To start your new year just right VISION Board 2025: Link
